Editing “Arcetri”

Arcetri

This weathered man walks over a canvas of hills
framed by corked oaks as the world moves on.
A still-life except for rustling footprints on the road
and the shuffle of bamboo papers clutched tight
to hold the words close, spoken every day.
Trailing along his daily route up a gentle slope
past shuttered windows. He rests a hand on the
white-washed house, gathering breath
before walking back in under the open stone arch.
A halcyon prison. Through the courtyard he
listens to the clouds passing overhead and enters
the study – pausing to rest his mind on
a dusty telescope, now abandoned to an archive.
A paradise to some but lost to his eyes.

While editing Arcetri I changed very little of the essential story that I wanted to tell but I found better ways to use the words I had as inspiration and clearer imagery to support the ideas.
The original words were given by my Dad during the Three Random Words project and were “canvas, telescope, bamboo”. It’s about Galileo Galilei when he was a very old man as well as how the things we leave behind are not physical which is why they outlast our bodies.

Original Version

This weathered man walks over
a canvas of hills framed by corked oaks
towards a tower refracted by the lake.
A still lens except for the slow twitch
of bamboo rods held in place
by the fingers of lethargic children.
Trailing along his daily route
up a gentle slope past shuttered windows.
He rests a hand on the white-washed house
gathering breath before walking back in
under the open stone arch. A halcyon prison.
Shuffling through the courtyard he
listens to the clouds passing overhead
and enters the study – pausing
to rest his mind on a dusty telescope
now abandoned to an archive.
A paradise to some but lost to his eyes.

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2 thoughts on “Editing “Arcetri”

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