Editing “Shenandoah”

Shenandoah

A skyline of broken trees and spectral moths.
Streams of cars not water flow along
the only pathway through. The erstwhile
daughters of night and stars. Lay forgotten
in the shamed past, only deer in the woods
remember. They stare at each other, the ants
as if scintillating enough to last and outlast
the natural installations. The old men
grow just tall enough controlled by the chainsaw
and budgets, watched by escaping crowds –
protecting their destruction.

This was inspired by “erstwhile, scintillating, chainsaw” which was suggested by Vincent Holland-Keen during the Three Random Word project. This poem has had a pretty major edit, as far as poems go with me. I think the main reason I wanted to edit was to make play around with which concepts were subtle and which were more obvious.  I’d love to visit Shenandoah but I’m a little reluctant after reading Bill Bryson’s A Walk in the Woods which talks about how much traffic there is and how tourist-driven it has become.

Original Version

A skyline of broken trees and moths.
Streams of cars not water
along the only direction through.
The erstwhile daughters of night and stars
lay forgotten in the shamed past,
only deer in the woods remember.
They stare at each other, the ants
as if scintillating enough to last
and outlast the natural installations.
The old men grow just tall enough
controlled by chainsaws and budgets,
watched by escaping crowds
protecting their destruction.

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