Editing “One for Sorrow”

One for Sorrow

His beak breaks the mirrored water,
a knowing eye from an unknown mind.
Protected by a wide fingered cedar
with a carpet of tangled needles.
The garden an eternal market, a choir
of changing calls to sell and buy
trade and scavenge, take and survive.
The barest needs tempered by a
superstition, to find a hidden gem.
He collects gold, silver and pearl
on the anniversary of each sunrise.

The three random words that inspired this poem were “cedar, pearl, scavenge” given by Pat Kelleher. I’ve gone through and changed a few line breaks and a big bit of the end part of the poem while keeping the meaning intact.

Original Version

His beak breaks the mirrored water,
a knowing eye from an unknown mind.
Protected by a wide fingered cedar
with a carpet of tangled needles.
The garden an eternal market
with calls to sell and buy
ignored, preferring to scavenge from all.
Never to be left alone
always followed by superstition.
He collects silver and pearl
on the anniversary of each sunrise.

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